Sailing From The Holy Land
by beexfeatheryduster
Summary: Guy's thoughts on the journey home from The Holy Land, taking place after the events of Series 2 Episode 13. One-shot.


**Just thought I'd write this, inspired by just watching the last episode of Series 2. SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SERIES 2 EPISODE 13 YET!**

**Hope you enjoy :)**

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Impulse could be both a terrible and a wonderful thing, and this was something that Guy had quickly discovered. He had tried to maintain control throughout his entire life, and there had been many occasions when it had been tested by a variety of different people and different situations. Over the years, he felt that he had been successful in the venture, until today. He had failed today, and the consequences had been catastrophic.

As they rode out of the city, all he could feel was a strong numbness sweeping throughout his body. The Sherriff was speaking to him, and yet Guy could barely hear his words. All he could do was try to focus, spurring the horse onwards himself with a few sharp clicks of his heels as the Sherriff chucked the reigns. There was nothing else to be done, not then.

It had taken till they were back on the ship that would return them to England, before Guy could begin to feel anything. In the darkness of the night as the ship sped towards home shores, as he lay in his bed with sleep evading him, he began to think, and remember. He remembered her laugh, and he remembered her smile. He remembered some of the kinder words she had spoken to him. Then he remembered her tears, her sadness and her cries of agony as he plunged his sword into her. He had killed her.

Guy of Gisborne had killed the woman he loved.

Marion. She was dead, because of him.

With a growl, he flung the cover back from his bed and leapt to his feet, kicking a chair across the other side of the room. He crossed to look out the window of his room, to look out at the sea and the light from the moon and the stars in the black velvet sky, like a funeral shroud.

He wondered if Marion was up there, amongst the stars in heaven. Of course she would be up there, despite everything, the numerous betrayals, and the lies, she had been a pure spirit. It was he whose soul was blackened and dark. He had committed many sins in his life, and he had hoped to wash himself clean of them. Instead, he had committed another sin, one of the greatest. Not only had he been party to a plan to kill the King, again, but he had murdered Marion- sweet, wilful, beloved Marion.

He tore his gaze away from the window, turning to look at the mess the room was in. He had already vented his frustrations and anger on this room before. Chairs and tables had splintered, quills and ink and parchment littered the floor and drapes and cloth had been torn.

None of it would heal the burning pain deep within his soul, only the return of Marion could do that, and that was impossible. God must not exist, to have allowed her to have died. He had hurt her, he had mortally wounded her, but God could have saved her, God should have saved her.

Guy grit his teeth together and gripped the underside of the table, heaving it over and smashing it to floor of the room. He roared loudly, the anguish deep within his heart tearing forth from within him. He had destroyed the only good and pure thing in his world, and he could never erase the action or the guilt of what he had done.

He had killed Marion, she would never come back, and his guilt would remain forever to torture him. God had forsaken him his entire life, and now he would forever be alone. It was only a matter of time that he would be able to stay in this life. Guy could see the rest of his existence stretching out in front of him, and he could see the likely conclusion as clear as though it were in front of him now.

_I would rather die than be with you Guy of Gisborne. _Even recalling those words, he felt as though his heart were beginning to break apart all over again. Was he that much of a monster? Yes. He had killed her. He had not believed her.

_I love Robin Hood _and then that smile, a smile that he wished he could have seen before, a smile that he wished could have been for him.

_I love Robin Hood, _she had said it again, and Guy had felt not only the pain but the anger. It had been his anger, his lack of control, and impulse that had made him commit the greatest mistake in his life.

Even as he had thrust his sword into her flesh, even as her body had curved into his with the force of his blade in her gut, she had cried out, her voice guttural with the pain, he had cried. He had known what he had done, as his hands had shook as he had dropped her and ran. If not for the Sherriff calling his name, Guy would probably have stood there and allowed himself to be slain, to be struck down by Robin Hood of all men.

All his hopes and dreams had rested on her, the acquisition of power yes, but on her. Without her, power meant nothing.

He felt as though he had been frozen as time had slowly crawled by. Those few moments when he looked into her eyes, as he held her, his sword in her gut. He had seen her pain, he had seen sorrow in her eyes, and he had seen shock. More than that though, he had seen pity.

Robin Hood had ran to her side, his men had followed and Guy had stood there, looking down at his life and his future, minutes away from death.

"Marian." Guy whispered into the darkness, falling back onto the bed, putting his head into his hands. She was gone forever, her blood on his hands, and they were stains he would never be able to wash off. She had not loved him, she had never loved him, but he had loved her with every inch of his withered black soul. Even now, he still loved her, and it was that which was killing him.


End file.
